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Masterfully Cut Faucets Emitting Blinding Rays of Hypnotising Beauty
By the crimson beard of Mrifk! 
11th-Oct-2006 02:14 pm

As the flaming noontide sun beats down mercilessly upon the hapless citizens of my populous municipality, I struggle tirelessly to begin the heroic narrative with which I hope ceaselessly to win the hearts of my adherents. Finding the following trusty guidelines which I lay instantly before the glowing orbs of the esteemed principality of this passionate band, who succumbed to my desire to display them in this barren arena. By the horns of Srafrd, may they stand you in good steed stead! Bellowed pollitely!

  1. Never use a noun without an adjective.
  2. Never use a verb without an adverb.
  3. Never use the first adjective or adverb that comes to mind.
  4. If in doubt, press shift-F7 and pick the longest thing on the list.
  5. If you can't quite think of the word, another word that starts the same will do.
  6. Punctuation means full stops periods [1]
  7. Anatomy, historical accuracy and internal consistency are all of lesser importance than descriptiveness.
  8. Never simply say something when you can bellow, scream, lecture or husk it.
  9. If you don't quite feel like starting a new chapter, just start a new half-chapter
  10. From time to time, through variations in spelling, you may unwittingly introduce a new character. This is not an error: it is the providence of Mrift! I mean Mrifk!

[1] On the rare occasions that you need to use anything else, make sure the surrounding writing agrees:

"I am shouting!" Bellowed Grignr!

20th-Aug-2007 05:40 pm (UTC)
If you employ a thesaurus, be sure not to taint the purity and raw power of the words you find by cross-checking them in the dictionary.
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